To post or not to post

...but I figure what the heck, it's my blog. My quandry is because the post is not CQ related, and it is personal, and I don't share much of myself at the best of times, let alone to the world!!

My best friend is moving. I am heart broken. I can't even think about it without crying.
When I met Rob I moved to a new suburb with him, and when I had kids, and stayed home I knew no one. Then I found Playcentre , which at least gave me some adult contact. But I don't make friends easily, it is very hard thing for me to just walk up to someone and start chatting. I don't have the chat gene. I can talk about things I know, which is why I can facilitate workshops well, and confidently, but people always think I'm joking when I say I am not socially confident. I'M NOT! I'm great once I know you, but the catch is that getting to know bit, and I'm no good at it. And because I am not good at it, I avoid it, and I am percieved as a snob or a bit aloof, when really I am just darn right scared.
The only reason Belinda and I became friends is because she invited me to her place for coffee. I have made no other 'friends' in that time. Of course I know people to chat to within Playcentre, but a girl needs a little more, ya know? Someone to laugh with, and be totally at ease with.
I feel so lost., and I don't know what to do with myself, and I can't be happy for her, which makes it worse.

More than you needed to know I know, but I will be feeling this way for a while....

15 comments:

Elizabet said...

Oh hon. Am sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. If only I was close by!I wish there was something I could do. Let me know if there is?

Am sorry I am so terrible at keeping in touch.xxxxx

Charlene said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Remember that you have friends across the world who are here to listen, even if we can't give you a physical giggle or hug. I'm sure she feels your pain, after all, she is your friend and is probably feeling some of it, too. She knows you will be happy for her eventually. Thanks for sharing!

corina said...

I can imagine how you feel, I hope you will find some other friends in time!

Melissa said...

Jo being an Army spouse and going through moves I totally understand. I'm the same way as you I don't chat easily with people until I get to know them too, and getting to know them is tough. This last move I left behind a really close friend too and it really hurt my heart. I still miss her! After 5 years of being in the same place and getting to know people I finally felt that I was really getting to know people. It seemed so unfair that we had to move.
I hope you and your friend remain close and stay in contact even though she's moving.
Hugs,
Melissa

coral-seas said...

Jo, I really feel for you. How do you give someone a hug on this thing?

CA

elizabethdee said...

dear Jo,

Oh, I really do feel for you. And if you were in my part of the world i would want to rush to your door with flowers right now. So instead please accept all my warmest wishes -- and my full confidence that you'll get through this. I'll be thinking of you.

Stacy said...

Oh dear. That does sound heart breaking and misery inducing. I went through it when relocating myself - but did learn that although the physical presence is missing...friends are only a phone call away (& they sound right next door!)

Lauri said...

HI JO
I am sorry to hear about your friend leaving. I am exactly the same way when it comes to talking to people. I just moved 4 hours away from where I have lived all my life and knew no one. However I met another Cq friend through one of the yahoo groups and now we visit back and forth all the time. Maybe you can luck out and find someone new . But you still have all of us, even though I know it's not the same.
Hope you feel better soon
Lauri

Hideko Ishida 石田英子 said...

Jo, I am really sorry to hear that.I can see very well what a best friend means to you and how you are feeling now. How sad! I was and am still also so shy the first person who greets hello becomes my good friend. But I am glad your Tradeswind DYB blocks arrived there very soon and they have made you feel a bit better. It took only 4 days from Japan. Hideko

Dy said...

Oh, you poor thing. As another who is a socially scaredy cat I can understand how devastating the moving away of a dear friend would feel. Hope you cheer up soon

And something just off the cuff but seems sorta relevant, do you know what the very first thing I thought was when I first started reading your blog earlier this year - I looked at your photo and thought what a kind face you have and that you look like you'd be a nice, caring person.

On a practical note, as well as squillions of phonecalls and emails when she moves, maybe you could both download that Skype programme and get a webcam each, then that way you could see each other when you chat.

Ati. Norway. said...

Jo I now what you feel. I have had it myself. I never had a close friend until I was 50 and after 4 years she moved to an other county.We missed each-other terrible, but there was always the phone and now and then i drove to her. Afterwards I moved to Norway and the distance became more, but still is there the phone and when we meet, it seems if we never have been far away...
So, after the first shock you both will find a way to meet ...

Sue in western WA said...

My heartfelt condolences on the loss - only through distance, thank goodness! - of your good friend. I'm in the same boat you are when it comes to making friends and that whole scene. Hang in there girl; you'll find a way to cope.

Pat Winter said...

Gosh Jo, you just described me! I am sorry your friend is moving. I know how hard it is to make friends. I am a friendly person but being shy and afraid makes it hard for people to get to know me. They think I am a snob when in fact I am afraid to say the wrong thing because people are so quick to judge. You will find a new buddy. When one door closes, another opens. Wish I lived nearby. Gentle hugs,Pat

alisonmc said...

We could be twins Jo - stop scaring me! I have difficulty forming close friendships with people. It's a trust thing. The other day I was thinking about what I'd do if anything happened to my best friend Vix. The fact I consider her my best friend is a big step but considering life without her was a step I don't ever want to take. Don't be sad about Belinda moving away, be excited about having someone to visit! Don't forget, we're all here for you too.

piney cq said...

Oh, Jo!!! I sooo know how you feel! Seems there are many in this cqey world that do! I am much the same.....and can feel your loss. If you need a cyber shoulder to lean on, i'm a keyboard away. Hang in there.... your pressie will be a gorgeous tribute to your friendship and a treasure for always for your friend. Many hugs coming your way to help comfort...